The illusion that everything can be under your control is related to the way you were raised. The need for control satisfies man's need for security, since he himself is a phobic entity. In his software, there is fear and this is cultivated, from an early age, in order to protect him. The outside world seems hostile, so you are taught to be afraid, in order not to expose yourself to danger, or to escape it. It's easier to control you than to explain. It is more immediate to dominate you than to respect you, so control is transformed into a way of showing love.
Let us make it clear that love has no coercion and control in it, as its twin sister could be freedom. When the ``should'', the controlling mechanism of a constant effort to achieve a goal, are punctured, then the ``want'' has little or no meaning, causing the person to sideline and forget to listen to their needs. The control and love in the role of the parent creates misinterpretations and distortions and as a caregiver creates issues of attachment, since there are many times he does not let the child wean and become independent. As an adult you feel the discomfort of the control mechanism of love and even if this is something you resent, you unconsciously tend to relive it in the love relationships you later create.
If the phrase heard is "he loves me for this and controls me" then this person has a great need for acceptance and attention. Through the satisfaction of this need, it allows the other person to trample the limits of their own expression and freedom, beautifying whatever behavior they accept. Relationships that are not based on ``want'' and respect for the other person's will, but are based on the need for confirmation and credentials, create changes in the people involved in them.
When you are not looking for your other half, because you know exactly that you are a whole and complete person, then through your relationship, you retouch your imperfect human existence. You know that confusing love with control doesn't help complete the picture, it distorts it. It creates suffocating relationships, fear is born and insecurity reigns.
When your principle is to be a free person without as much phobias and insecurities as possible, then you choose to build relationships that have freedom in them, respect yourself and the other, you want to support him for what he longs for and is happy, being able to you experience a true love that gives you the trigger to express the most beautiful and perhaps hidden side of yourself.
