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Abusive relationships and the "boiled frog" phenomenon.

Taking the occasion of November 25, which is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, I thought we should deal a little with the phenomenon of abuse in general.

There is a very interesting experiment done in the 19th century by Olivier Clerc that led him to the "boiled frog syndrome".

Putting a frog in a pot of cold water, he observes that as it warms up, he tries to adapt. He seems to be succeeding and as the water gets warmer, he tries harder and harder until his energy runs out. He doesn't have the strength to jump out of the pot when the water finally boils, realizing that he is truly threatened, but ends up being a boiling frog.

His theory is based on findings that if the rate of water heating is 0.02 degrees Celsius per minute, the frog will remain motionless and die as soon as it gets too hot.

Somewhere here I will list and compare abusive relationships that do not start with "burns" but with acts of violation at a rate of 0.02 points.

Usually these relationships start out like any other, so good that unfortunately they don't take long to take other paths. Small derogatory behaviors between funny and serious can often lead to extreme situations. It's really hard to fathom how someone you love so much and who claims to love you can act in such ways. So you look for excuses or convince yourself of them.

There are elements in the other person's behavior that whether it is emotional, verbal or physical abuse, if you ignore them they will quickly trap you in a toxic relationship. Mild humiliating hints, verbal insults that have to do with your looks, your intelligence, your worth. A physical violence expressed in disguise by a raised hand or a grabbing of the arm. Sudden emotional changes, from romance to rage and from joy to violence. If you make a "wrong" you will be punished and treated as the disobedient child, as well as easily becoming the cause of everything wrong in your life and the cause of your partner's particular behavior. And you stay, hoping that things can change.

But know that abusers are people with serious emotional and psychological problems and without realizing it, by staying in the relationship, all you are doing is encouraging and supporting their behaviors.

It is certainly not your fault for someone else's violent and abusive behavior and it is even more certain that you deserve to be treated with respect, to live with a sense of security and joy in a relationship.

You can always talk about it to someone of yours and even better to someone special, express, redefine, open your eyes, see and dare to move forward.

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